BEAUTY FOUND BY -by Stephanie Daich

DEFENDING TO DEATH -Fiction

 

DEFENDING TO DEATH

Paradise. The place people go when they die.

Heaven!

But I don’t get to go.

I killed a man.

.In a way, you can say I prepared the last six years for that sin. -to bring death upon another. That wasn’t my intention, but that is how it played out. If he had left me alone, this never would have happened.

I now close my eyes and keep them closed, shielding the window into my soul. I am a female and a small one at that—four-foot-nine inches. I had once believed I would hit the five-foot mark, an invisible block of hope that only melted like ice. The height never came, so I had to develop a fire inside to compensate for my shortness. That infernal billowed out of control when anyone tried to push me around. Just don’t mess with me, and all would be good. I had the tongue of a serpent, deadly. I could strike anyone with my fangs, releasing venom and dissolving their will with my toxic words.

 But my stature, people looked down upon me, literally, down upon me.

Despite my inner strength, I looked like a victim to most people who passed me. I was either mistaken for a young child or a damsel in distress.

As an adult, I collected bizarre and uneasy encounters with strange men as I ventured into the world. On seven occasions, creepy men followed me to my car in parking lots. Once while I was fishing, a man hid in a bush to watch me. Even around the mall, men stalked me. Eventually, I was going to get hurt. I needed to make the outside of me as strong as the inside.

That’s when I took up mixed martial arts, which consisted of Jiu Jitsu and Muay Thai. I trained as often as my schedule allowed, building my muscles and knowledge. At first, my gym-sparring partners loved going against me. I was someone they could build their ego with. They flipped me around like a rag doll. Back and forth. I hated the disregard they gave me, but my professor of martial arts always said, “Don’t let them disrespect you.” I took that to heart, dedicating the early morning of each day to transforming body and spirit.

And then it happened. The moment I had spent hours and hours training for.

One early morning while hiking in the mountains, a beast of the land spotted me. I, his prey. His nose caught the scent of my pheromones, with drool running down his jutted chin when he appeared, his canine teeth glimmering against the rays of the mountain sun.

He followed me, the sounds of his feet crunching frozen ground and rocks. It didn’t matter how fast I went or how slow I sauntered; he kept my pace perfectly. I couldn’t stand it. I wasn’t going to play his games until he decided to strike. Finally, I turned to him, threw my arms in the air, and said, “What!”

That coward looked around to make sure we were alone. He wasn’t man enough to attack a small woman with an audience. He came after me when he saw it was only him, me, and God. Dark fear tried to seize me, but I had to push it aside. This is what I had spent the last five years training for. As he threw his arms toward my neck, I caught hold of them and pushed them to the sky. I slipped under his arms and used my tiny four-foot nothing to ram my back into his chest as I flung his two hundred-plus pounds over my shoulders and onto the ground. His breath burst out as his back slammed into a pile of rocks.

That man was shocked. He couldn’t believe he had just been bested by someone as small as me. He grabbed my ankles and yanked me down. I did a break fall, keeping my head from hitting the ground. He climbed on top of me, and I wrapped my body into his. I bet he wasn’t expecting that. He probably assumed I would try to push him off. No, I wanted to keep the distance between us at a minimum.

This beast flattened me with his weight, making it hard to breathe. The frosty ground soaked into my back. I had to do something quickly before I lost all my energy. I wiggled a little, and when he adjusted his position, I flipped my legs over his thick neck, twisted my body around, and locked him in a triangle choke. It surprised me to get the correct submission with such a blubbery neck. I squeezed my thighs tightly together, stronger than I ever had before, and I kept constricting that stupid neck. His flesh puffed up, and his face went purple. The sound of something clicked. It didn’t take long for him to stop fighting. I thought about letting go, but I feared what would happen. I had the advantage and wasn’t ready to give that up.

Not sure what to do, I went into my head and meditated as I squeezed that bastard’s neck. Eventually, I moved my legs, and all his dead weight collapsed onto me. I pushed and fought until I shimmied out from under him. He didn’t move. His whole body was flaccid. A nervous laugh came out of me, a high shrill like the sound a rabbit makes as it is dying, which frightened me even more.

I wanted to check his pulse, but I couldn’t put myself in a position where he could grab me again, so I ran. After running for ten minutes, I stopped and called the police. Later that evening, red and blue lights danced on my living room walls when the police showed up at my door to tell me they had found the man dead. I didn’t know what to say as real panic moved in me, raw and course, tearing my nerves apart. Was I going to jail, where I would spend the rest of my years rotting away?

The police took me in, and our steps echoed as our feet slapped against the tile. Giant clanks rang out from each door that control let us in and out of. I gave my statement in a dingy room with stains on the cinderblock walls. The distinct odor of stinky bodies distracted me occasionally as I tried to ignore it and only breathed through my mouth. The light above buzzed and flickered, much as my fear did. Many people there couldn’t believe I had killed the perpetrator as I described. I think some of them thought I had poisoned him or something else. His autopsy concluded he died by strangulation.

Talk show hosts tried to interview me, but I didn’t want to make a spectacle of this man's death. Most likely, he held a place in others’ hearts, those unaware of the monster he really was.

He was a monster. What if he had attacked a woman who didn’t know how to protect herself? Instead of appearing on their shows, I recorded a video encouraging all women to learn self-defense.

I did what I set out to do. I protected my life.

But I will have to live through eternity with the knowledge and pain that I killed a man.

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Defending to Death

by Stephanie Daich

 

 

IT RULES- Poetry

 IT RULES

To heal, I must leave it,

But how does one abandon their truest companion?

It is always there for me.

Only I turn my back on it,

 never the other way around.

It's there in the dark.

It's there when I am alone.

It, and it alone.

Others forsake me,

But never it.

It has invested more in me than anyone.

And now I think to heal, I must leave it.

Am I mistaken?

Have I gone mad?

I must be crazy, for I can no longer live with it,

But I refuse to live without it.

It

And

It

Alone.

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It Rules

by Stephanie Daich

GOD'S GIFT FROM ABOVE -Poetry

GOD'S GIFT FROM ABOVE

 God’s precious child

Warmed hearts when she smiled.

But when the rainbow colors she donned,

All the adulations to her were gone.

Her value remains inside her,

Thou other’s opinions deter.

Regardless of how she defines love.

She’ll always be God’s gift from above.

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God's Gift from Above

by Stephanie Daich

MY BABY BOY

  MY BABY BOY

We set up his apartment, and he wears pride on his face. He has done it. His lifelong dream of adulting. Yet, as he beams, my heart wrenches apart. Where has the time gone? Just yesterday, he followed me around the house, drowning out my thoughts with his endless chatter. Could I have listened more? I should have listened more. Now. He is gone. Not really gone, only a few miles away. But never, never will he be my baby boy again. How can I rest knowing he is not in the room next to mine? He’s not here to lift me when sad or challenge me when he’s mad. I wanted him out as much as he wanted to leave. Didn’t I? But he’s gone. The world we created together; gone.

Our dreams and adventures.

My teaching moments.

Gone.

I didn’t teach him enough. I should have valued him more. Why did I want him to stop talking so I could do my own thing? He is no longer here. I want to hear his voice. I want to see him go through his day. But he is gone. Will he be safe? Will he lock his doors at night and not let strangers in? There are so many scary people around him that I can no longer keep out. I can’t protect him. What if he keeps his stove on while he sleeps? What if he doesn’t hear his alarm and misses work? I was wrong.

Don’t grow up.

Please come home, my baby boy.

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My Baby Boy

by Stephanie Daich

LETTING NATURE IN -Poetry

  LETTING NATURE IN

 

As the sun kisses my skin,

As the warmth moves within,

As my life moves outdoors,

Taking a break from the chores.

Nature reclaims my fallen soul.

Reclaiming what the world has stole.

Relaxing, I let it in.

Ready to live again.

YOUR LIE -Poetry

 YOUR LIE

As you pin me to the wall,

As you blame me for your fall,

As you accuse me of your failed life

A method that cuts like a knife

Closing the door, I stumble and cry.

As you blast me with your lie.

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Your Lie

by Stephanie Daich

AN EMPTY VESSEL -Poetry

  AN EMPTY VESSEL 

My heart lost inside itself,

Has given all for others’ grief.

My ambitions placed on the shelf,

Where time presents as the biggest thief.

I had not power to reclaim my soul,

Helping others was my noble goal.

Yet I had given all I had.

My vessel empty; my mind’s gone mad.

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An Empty Vessel

by Stephanie Daich

DARKNESS TO LIGHT -Poetry

 DARKNESS TO LIGHT -Poetry 

Dear soul, it is no fun to dwell, it is no fun to dwell in darkness.

Dear soul, don’t you wish you’d fly free, fly free from your chains of darkness?

Dear soul, it’s time to let go, it’s time to let go of the darkness.

Dear soul, it’s time to take hold, it is time to hold onto the light.

Dear soul, it’s time to absorb, it’s time to absorb the power from the light.

Dear soul, it’s time to change, it’s time to change from darkness to light.

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Darkness to Light

by Stephanie Daich

WHY IS IT HARD TO HOLD ONTO A FRIEND -Poetry

 WHY IS IT HARD TO HOLD ONTO A FRIEND 

I still think about you for hours and hours.

We were friends,

But now it's suspended.

Should we resume it, or has it ended?

There was good there,

And also, pain.

If I contacted you, would it be in vain?

Life was good once,

For you and I,

But when I think of you, I only cry.

 Why must friendship

Grow cold and end?

Why is it hard to hold onto a friend?

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Why is it Hard to Hold onto a Friend

by Stephanie Daich

FAMILY -Poetry

 FAMILY

 

Do I befriend you?

Do I despise you?

I don’t know.

Just because you are family doesn’t mean I owe you anything.

You spat upon my name these many years.

I disconnected from you.-severed the ties.

It’s better this way.

More peaceful.

No drama.

That’s all you bring, is drama.

How can someone have so much drama billowing around them?

Life chewed you up and spat you out,

And when you had nothing left,

You showed up as if you were the king in our lives.

I didn’t know what to think.

Had time smoothed the rough spots?

Is there anything worth saving?

You blew in like a vicious storm, ripping apart everything you touched.

I don’t care that you are family.

You can’t treat people this way.

Please, go back to hating me.

I don’t want your drama.

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Family

by Stephanie Daich

RELATIONSHIPS -Poetry

 RELATIONSHIPS 

Are relationships worth it?

Friends come and go.

So much joy.

Excruciating pain.

Drama.

Theatrics.

Manipulation.

Love.

Ally.

Strength.

Get aways.

Vacations.

Road trips.

Problems.

Betrayal.

Hate.

Uncertainty.

Loyalty.

Using.

Abusing.

I am at the crossroads of a new relationship.

Do I open the door?

Or slam it tight?

-Locking it with thirty deadbolts.

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Relationships

by Stephanie Daich

MUST LET GO -Poetry

 MUST LET GO

I see the trees. I see the sky

I close my eyes, and I try to fly.

And then I see my chains in the world around me,

And my schedule binds me down.

Oh, life.

What is living?

Can I break through the restrictions I place on me?

Can I release the expectations and set myself free?

I remember the child when I knew how to live.

I close my eyes and try to forgive.

And then I see the simplicity I used to know.

And my chaotic life, I must let go.

Oh life,

What is living?

Can I break through the restrictions I place on me?

Can I release the expectations and set myself free?

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Must Let Go

by Stephanie Daich

In the Name of a Pandemic -Poetry

 

They stole from us our freedom

-In the name of a pandemic

They lock us in our homes

-In the name of a pandemic

They limit the number of people in stores

-In the name of a pandemic

They obliterated millions of people's livelihoods

-In the name of a pandemic

Gyms closed

-In the name of a pandemic

Trails fenced

-In the name of a pandemic

Playgrounds barricaded

-In the name of a pandemic

Borders shut

-In the name of a pandemic

Unemployment increased

-In the name of a pandemic

Liberties altered, changed, robbed

-In the name of a pandemic

They ration what we can buy

-In the name of a pandemic

They restrain our medical options

-In the name of a pandemic

They cripple our economy

-In the name of a pandemic

Families burdened

-In the name of a pandemic

 Debt incurred

 -In the name of a pandemic

They sealed schools

-In the name of a pandemic

They destroyed lives

-In the name of a pandemic

They shattered dreams

-In the name of a pandemic

Weddings called-off

-In the name of a pandemic

Funerals denied

-In the name of a pandemic

Churches shut down

-In the name of a pandemic

Missions aborted

-In the name of a pandemic

Graduation ceremonies halted

-In the name of a pandemic

Travel restricted

-In the name of a pandemic

Media frenzy

-In the name of a pandemic

False information

-In the name of a pandemic

Social norms dismantled

-In the name of a pandemic

Restrictive laws

-In the name of a pandemic

Relationships stalled

-In the name of a pandemic

Nations weakened

-In the name of a pandemic

Establishments barred

-In the name of a pandemic

Gatherings ended

-In the name of a pandemic

Progress deadlocked

-In the name of a pandemic

Sports canceled

-In the name of a pandemic

Teams dissolved

-In the name of a pandemic

Panic instilled

-In the name of a pandemic

Government control increased

-In the name of a pandemic

First Amendment rights suspended

-In the name of a pandemic

...and we let them

-In the name of a pandemic

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In the Name of a PAndemic

by Stephanie Daich